i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
