So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize