There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
