I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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