Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize