Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
