I skipped work to stalk him.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
