so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
