I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
