everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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