he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize