I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
