LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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