Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
