How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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