i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
