my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
