dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
