So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
