Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
