So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
