what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
