non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize