Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
