My pussy is not your playground.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
