y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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