I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
