please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
