I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
