She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
