I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
