I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
