he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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