hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize