Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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