I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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