He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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