my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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