My sheets look like a crime scene.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
