need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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