Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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