She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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