we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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