She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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