Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
