yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize