I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
