Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
