Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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