what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
