i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
