Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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