I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My dick has a subreddit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
