I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
