i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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