Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
