there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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