after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
