ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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