He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
