You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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