idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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