my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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