you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
