I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
