My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
