Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
