you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
