This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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