I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
