peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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